To my future wife,
I want you to know that I love you very much. I do not know who you are yet, but I want you to know I promise to love you forever and a day. I also am sad to say that I didn’t hold out for you like I should have. I got so caught up with a girl I put her where you should have been. For that I am truly sorry. I have had many bruises and scars from like, but I know that you make them all worthwhile. For every bruise and every scar is what led me straight to you. The person that showed me how to be a man and how to love unconditionally. I praise god that you accept me for everything that I am. My prayer is that you will stand by me and encourage me to always be better. I also thank you for mending my broken heart and proving to me that you are god sent. I don’t know if I have yet to meet you or if I already have, but I want you to know… You are my woman.
From,
Jamey
18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,”
says the LORD.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the good things of the land;
20 but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword.”
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.
Such great words if one steers away from the path of the lord and wishes to reconsile himself with the lord. I have struggled for so long with that I want to do in life and what the lord wants me to do. I have come to a stop in life to where I must decide now. There is no dragging on unless I am to make a choice. To follow the creator of the universe and all that is within it, or follow my own ambitions. Seems like an easy choice….right?
I have struggled so long as to what decision I would make, and yet the decision was in front of me all along. One never realizes the differences in the two different ways of life, that would be of my own choice or for what god has for me. To sit back and really see your life and really observe it you can see the different roads in life. I can see clearly where I came to a similiar crossroads earlier in my life. I am not going to say where it was, but I can say honestly that I choose wrong. So the conclusion that I want to get across is that next time you are feeling a crossroads that I wish you to sit back and really asses your life.
Also to stand by your decisions, because there is one thing that we have that nobody can argue, and that is our own choice of the life we decide to lead.
My point is that if you follow go or not, or use to and have fallen then you have certain times in your life you can choose to follow him or follow him again. I hope you choose right because I know that I have.
People will go through life and they will think they have a grasp on their lives. Well I am one to say I have no idea where my life would be if I weren’t embedded in Christ. Though I have strayed away I know who my savior is. The lord has really burdened my heart over the last week or two. It feels great to feel god tugging at my heart and into my soul. It is the feeling I have truly longed for. To be brought to a sense of being and purpose. God has blessed me in life and I was so blinded by my own desires I walked away from god. Who should be the very nature of my being. In Jeremiah 29:12 it states ” then you will call out to me, you will come and pray to me. And I will listen to you.” And I am so thankful that god has been there for me. I am now fully committed to Christ and I hope that I will always continue to feel the same way I do now about god. I love him and I ask that you will pray for me always to grow closer towards god.
The future is always a scary thing. But it really is good to know that I always have somebody watching over me. I recently heard a pastor speak on how we as humans mistake philipians 4:13. It made me truly think and understand that god would not bless me in things that I pursue for my own gain. All I can do is persevere through the hard times and to always look towards the future.
There is so much that has happened to me to shape me into the man that I am. I have loved and I have lost. Its a constant cycle of life. I know that God has a plan for me and everything happens for a reason. I pray for you now that you are starting school. I do miss you and you know who you are. I will always miss you. And it sucks that I will probably not see you again. But I know God will do great things in your life. I only ask you pray for me.
The debate of right and wrong is one that people cannot win. To take a stance for what you believe is always good. But to criticize and to raise yourself higher than someone or a group who thinks different just puts your cause down. To understand and examine where the other side develops is what one mist do.
Now I’m not saying I don’t have a stance on things because on the contrary I do indeed have a strong stance on life and world issues.
I would be happy to share them and converse with anyone about them, but to put publicly what I think and to put myself above others is ignorance. That is all.
Love is something from which most of us don’t understand. It is become more of an idea now. My thoughts on love is that it is such a big thing in life that I shouldn’t want to give it away freely. Love is ugly. But then I ask what sort of love do you wish to have? A sort of idealistic love, or a true and genuine love. There is a love out there, it is more faithful than the morning. Its gods love. I have strayed to far away from it. I gave my love and my heart to somebody who wasn’t my future wife. Only to have it shattered and my wholeself along with it. I pray that God would fix my brokenheart. To put back the pieces. I know that I probably could not love someone like I loved her. And that is the sad part. To not.be able to give myself wholeheartedly to my future wife, because another stole it. I ask you would pray for me and I always would like encouragement.
It is hard to not to want to control things in your lives. And yet there are so many things that are way beyond our control. A recent surge of events have led me to realize that I need to focus more on the things I can control. It has been a total change of mind. And honestly has been such a good burden to have been .lifted off of me. To push forward and to strive towards the things I can, and to let the rest fall inti place.
The true gravity of ones choices is so far beyond what we understand. To us; we act in the moment and save the regret for later. Well the regret came upon me alot longer than i thought it would. But I now know that God has a master plan for me. I can only enjoy my life as it goes by. On a side note: I really miss this girl…she doesn’t live in Jacksonville. But I think about her everyday. Even though the feeling isn’t the same. But as I said life as they say is but a vapor. It is here today and gone tomorrow. What then shall I do? Sit and be idle. I will not. I will go out and enjoy myself. I will love the people I have been blessed with their presence in my life. I want you to all know I love every single one of you. And to the heartbreak and letdowns I say this ” you have made me the person that I am today ” so weirdly enough I am thankful to have gone through them now instead of later. Everyday is a new day and I will set forth on my journey. Not to a destination, but to a goal. I have a plan and I will preservere and not look back. “Be miserable, or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done. Its your choice.”
I wish that I could only know what the future holds for me. Alot has changed since my last post. I have hidden myself in shame from the person I should be running towards. I have not been myself lately. It was a sudden turn of events that led to my downfall, yet there was always one to talk to. And yet it has be one to hard for me to speak with her anymore, because of the love I withheld from her. It is no longer myself who lives and loves anymore, but I had become a selfish, self-pity, disrespectful, shameful person. That is not who I strive to be anymore. I am coming out of this shameful pit and to live a more exaulting life. I will no longer hide in fear of change and life, but I shall embrace it. I look forward to the future and the purpose that I have been given.
